


A Modest Proposal

by sarken



Category: Real News RPF
Genre: Drunken Marriage Proposals, Gen, Lesbian Character, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-09
Updated: 2008-09-09
Packaged: 2017-10-04 12:00:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarken/pseuds/sarken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keith has a proposal for Rachel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Modest Proposal

"Rachel, Rachel, Rachel," Keith says, resting his elbows on the table. He's definitely drunk, and almost as if to prove the point, he props his chin up on his hands and looks at Rachel intently.

"Keith," she says, and she has to look away. The slightly glazed look in his eyes reminds her of a lovelorn teenage girl, and she tries to tell herself it's just the alcohol.

"Y'know, Rach," he says, but nothing more is immediately forthcoming.

"I don't think I do, Keith," she says, and it's not every day she has trouble dragging words out of Keith Olbermann.

"I wrote Dan a Valentine. 'Pickle' rhymes with 'Dick Trickle.'"

She laughs at that, a snort that makes the bubbles from her club soda do terrible things to her nose. "That's not a Valentine, Keith. That's a limerick, like the girl from Nantucket."

"There once was a girl from Nantucket," he begins, grinning like he's about to call out Bill O'Reilly.

"Please don't," Rachel interrupts, holding up a hand to stop him.

"The point is," Keith says, switching gears, "you're better looking than Dan."

"That's the alcohol speaking, but thank you anyway."

"No, no, I mean it. So, because you are better looking than Dan, I have a proposal for you."

"Are we going to give Dan a makeover?" She bites the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. For their combined knowledge of cosmetics, Dan would come out looking like Bozo the clown.

"Marry me," Keith says, and suddenly he is stone-cold sober with absolute clarity in his eyes.

Rachel takes a sip of her club soda, though her instinct is to down the rest of Keith's drink instead. "Do I have to sleep with you?" she asks, trying to keep it light. The ice cubes in her drink rattle against the glass.

"Is that a deal-breaker?" he asks.

"I think it might be, yeah. Just a little." A small smile. A sip of club soda. She wishes he'd stop looking at her.

He sits there, and she can tell he is actually considering it, giving it the amount of thought he fails to give any number of other things.

"Okay," Rachel says, because she just wants him to stop thinking. "I think I know how to make this work: you need to pray away my gay."

He blinks at her.

"No, no, I mean it," she says, echoing his words from earlier. "If you and Pat sit down together, maybe you can do it. If you can make me straight, then I will marry you. No questions asked, no terms and conditions. We won't even have to worry about whether or not I have to sleep with you, because I'll be straight, right?"

"But I like your gay," he protests. And then he makes a face. "Me and Pat?"

Rachel laughs. "Now I know you're hammered. You just said 'Me and Pat?'"

"Pat and I," he corrects. He takes a sip of his drink and crosses his arms. "I don't want Pat thinking about your gay."

"Oh," Rachel says, and she means 'ew.' This time, she does take a sip of Keith's drink. "I don't want Pat thinking about it, either. That's upsetting."

"You know he has a big collection of lesbian porn."

"Stop it."

"I'm just saying, Rach," he says, taking his drink back. He raises it in a mock toast. "It's probably bigger than yours."

"That is categorically untrue. I do not have a lesbian porn collection; I don't even own a TV." She waits until Keith tilts his glass to take a drink. "I use the Internet."

He chokes.

She grins. "So, speaking of porn, tell me more about Dick Trickle..."

:end:


End file.
